A new start to a new (birth)year

Well, what a fun month this has been! It’s all winding down to be a good, good thing but what craziness all around. Some of the more crazy things:

1. Men - as in the dating, er, non-dating kind

Okay, these things in my life are laughable. Oh, no. I’m not mocking myself. I actually think it’s funny. I can’t make up some of this stuff that happens to me.

First, there’s the guy I met online who seemed nice enough and seemed to have wanted to get together, found every reason to suggest getting together, but never suggested any specific opportunity and somehow had to decline all of mine. It only took me two months for the light bulb (enter light bulb graphic here!) to go off: dude is probably married already! Y’know how they say every other “single” man on MySpace is probably married? Betcha I got that one. It was too bad, too, since I had only wanted to chat and be friendly initially. I just think it’s funny that I almost became a statistic thre.

The second was even funnier [sic]! While internet dude communication was going south, I met another guy at a local hangout my friend Julia and I frequent. He seemed fun, nice, well-traveled and a blast to talk to. Has a mountain cabin, only a few years older than me, and was brave and straight-forward enough to ask me out to dinner in front of my friends and his rather than let me walk out the bar without asking. Score! Well done, young man — THAT’s how it should work!

Until, of course, it took him almost a week to call. When he did, we had a very pleasant conversation and I was enjoying myself greatly…. until he apologized for taking so long to call and went on to explain why: he’d had a bad weekend; he got suspended from work a few days prior due to a blow up he had. He was suspended for 30 days and required to take an anger management course to return to work. Mmm-hmmm. Okay. Probably not what I would have lead with when trying to make a dinner date with a girl, really. And I *especially* wouldn’t have followed it up with the tale of his ex-wife who is addicted to crystal meth but he’s still supporting a bit and she’s robbing him blind to the point of selling the furniture he bought her for drugs. Mmm-hmmm. Yup, folks. Couldn’t make this up if I tried. That was a 20 minute first-call conversation. Now, I can be as accepting as the next girl. Everyone’s got baggage and a past, right? But, again: probably not what I’d want to lead with when trying to get a date. Needless to say? Strike two.

Am still waiting for strike three at the moment. Though sometimes with an 0-2 count, you can get one right down the middle that you can hit out of the ballpark. We shall see! I might even give Match.com a whirl (looking out for the Marrieds, of course).
2. Mid-afternoon drinking

As in what I’m doing right now. Today is my last day of “slacking” because I start my new job on Monday - woo! Yesterday morning I went in to do paperwork, get a feel of the place and all… and, wow! That feeling is AMAZING. So far at least! I sat in on their production meeting, talked with the people who have my position, and had the pleasure of being introduced around the entire place. I will have to get used to their system and their specific presses, but other than that, I already feel comfortable there after only a few hours. I! Am! So! Excited!

Oh, but wait. This was about drinking mid-afternoon. Heh. Okay, that’s what I’m doing now. I blame both my friend Julia and my ex-salesman who will henceforth be known as D. I was whining to Juila about parts of my life and she suggested it. I decided to fix a cocktail then (hey, she’s much wiser than me!) and sit down here to blog. Whereupon I received a text message from D. reading exactly: “Is this your last day of slacking? If so, you better have a buzz by now.” Ah, bless! Not only a blessing but encouragement. Who am I to deny that?

And, for the record? No, not even close to buzzed yet. But I am already feeling bad for dear roommie when he gets home tonight. ;-)

OH! And as for drinks and great great places to go? If you haven’t been to Maggie’s in Toco Hills, go go go! Yes, it’s a dive. Yes, it’s a hole in the wall. But a) there are the nicest people there! b) there are often great specials (including tasty food) and c) their barkeep Mary is THE BEST. This cute little completely tattoo’d and blonde-bobbed ex-personal trainer is the sweetest bartender I have ever met. She gave me my first drink when I lost my job a month ago and my first drink when I got my new one last week. She saw me and a friend upset over a friend’s recent divorce and slid up to us real quiet like with huge shots of pink goodness, then slid away just as quietly. She remembers names! She’s sweet as candy! Go Monday through Thursday and meet Mary behind the bar. She’s the best!
3. Friends - as in re-evaluating

And here’s where I’m going to come off as a bitch, perhaps, but I don’t mean it that way. I’m just tired of things and ready for this change. New birth year, new job, new outlook. Even new exercise routine and diet I’m sticking to (3 days in a row! okay…nothing to get wild crazy about yet but it’s a start!) this time. No flirting with married MySpacers or those who are still supporting drug-addicted exes. It’s a happy, good, positive time!

So now I’m going to talk about friendship. I like to think I’m there for my friends. I really do. I have listened to stories (even more than once), showed up in the dead of night or canceled plans when someone needed me, dropped my agenda for someone who needed something more. I like to think I’m a good friend even if I’m selfish sometimes (and who isn’t?).

I know I’m never really there for them financially, though. It’s just I often can’t be. That and my friends typically are more well off than me and don’t need me that way: they either need an ear or a hug or maybe a dinner. Once in a while I can afford to buy them a drink or two, but I’m usually in such dire straights myself (ugh! like this month? no job, kitty problems, car fixes, birthday [which is good but birthday also = tag and insurance renewal], the need of new interview outfits I’d outgrown (on clearance, of course); you get my drift!) that I can’t do that and they don’t expect it. And I’ve very rarely had a friend make money an issue with friendship anyway, which is a blessing. No, I’m more talking about being there to hear, to talk, to bounce ideas off of, that kind of thing. And it being reciprocal.
Well, I’m getting tired of it being not reciprocal in some places. Granted, I’m probably the one to blame. I have a problem asking for help. I have a problem saying: I need to talk. But when I get up the nerve to do it, some of these friends will listen for a few minutes before making it all about them afterward and not getting back to me. And I feel selfish that I even want that or need that. So I stop asking and just get innerly upset instead. (Yup, innerly is going to be a word in this blog.) So I’m to blame and really more upset with myself than them, but it makes me wonder if I should find other friends who won’t do that to me. Friends who will realize what it’s like to lose a pet after 10 years and try to comfort me. Friends who will understand how demoralizing it can be to lose a job, have to deal with big family issues, and find a way to start over in life on a dime without seeing it coming. Why don’t I have more of these friends?

Okay, now granted: I have some of these. Of course I do. :) My roommie has been there not only financially when I got so little off the DOL this month that I had to get grocery money from Mom. P2 blessed me with the camera for keeps that he “loaned” me two years ago and never got back. Other friends came out of the woodwork: hash friends who came to celebrate my birthday and bless me with birthday hugs and free drinks out of the blue. Old sorority sisters who found me on MySpace and left messages of love even though we haven’t spoken in ages. People I haven’t seen in years remembering my birthday and sending a card. Ex-coworkers who were concerned about me to meet up with me a week after I was laid off and two weeks later to celebrate my birthday. Friends who I haven’t seen in months sending me job-hunting tips and good wishes. Good folks that I AM very happy to have.
But it’s the others. The ones I thought I were friends but are proving that since they finally realize they won’t get into my pants, I guess we’re not. Friends who make me the bad guy because their romantic relationships are not what they seem and it’s somehow my fault. Friends who would be absolutely upset if I did the same thing to them but for some reason I’m not allowed to feel the same way without feeling guilty. Well, screw that. Twice on Tuesdays. :)

Oooh, I do sound bitter, do I not? Actually, I’m not. Sad. Yeah, I actually am very sad. But I needed to put it down so that I can remind myself that I don’t need this. That these people are probably really good, loving people but meant to be acquaintances, perhaps, instead of confidants. And that it’s up to me to try to make it more, to learn to ask for help and not feel guilty for expecting it…and that it’s okay to let it all go if it’s not there.

So, yo! That’s that. And on only one cocktail. I’m going to mix up dinner now so when roomie gets home it’s ready to pop into the oven (green bean casserole, of course. can never get enough of the green bean casserole) no matter how many more cocktails I may or may not fix after I post this.

Until next time when I should hopefully have photos and great great job, friend, life news! :) MWAH!!!
P.S. Roomie just freaked me out by coming home 2 hours early…just now. ACK!!! And no green bean casserole made. D’oh! I’ll take the blame for this one. :)